Losing my voice

I lost my voice in China.

I planned our family trip and was the organizer/tour guide/translator/budget manager operator of our group – and I wanted that control over the trip. And it caught up on me. I pushed myself too much. With my Kindergarden Mandarin, I talked to most (if not all) the store owners, vendors, hotel desk receptionists, entrance ticket receptionists & waitresses. I  translated whenever my sibs bought things. I WeChatted and “Baidu-ed” tourist sites and gave bits of information for all the spots we went to. In my desire for a memorable and great trip, I wanted to influence and control our travel experience. So my immune system had to give – I didn’t feel well when we landed in Shanghai. My voice started growing coarser and raspier by the hour.

I popped a paracetamol and napped an hour but stubborn me still went out  and showed them the Bund and Nanjing East Road. I felt that they won’t enjoy the trip without some dazzling information and guidance from me (Lol) but in retrospect I admit I just didn’t want to give up my Mother Hen position. At the end of that day, I felt worse and my vocal chords were protesting.

So, I stayed in the following day and let my sibs go out on their own. And as expected, they survived. Losing my voice made me realize how much I want to be on top of things and that I want to be Superhuman most of the time.

I’m slowly gaining my voice back and it is teaching me to listen more and choose my words wisely – if i do choose to talk.

 

Abundance of Choices

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of yoga books. I breezed through my pre-reading materials for my incoming Ashtanga Yoga Teacher Training (nervous, about that!). I also read 2 yoga books before that – and currently browsing through 2 other books on and off.

So this overload might have induced my sudden urge to read any other book. Haha. So I spent Sunday morning searching for good books, reading reviews, and loading them up on my kindle. This “research” process lasted until around 2pm when I had around 15 new books to read. Now, I was faced with the decision to choose which one to read first. So I poured through their book descriptions again, weighing which connected with me most, before settling which one to read.

When I finally started to read a book, my mind can’t easily accept and digest the surrealism in the first few pages. So I stopped and opened another book. Then I got distracted and curious by another book and opened that as well.

I’m reminded about how having an abundance of choice can actually do more harm than good. I’m so absorbed with the process of choosing the best book to read that I don’t get to choose (or go back to the process of choosing after I’ve already chosen) because I want to make sure I made the best choice.

So it is but apt, that “Modern Romance” by Aziz Ansari was telling me the same thing. His writing is funny and I guess I needed a book to tell me that I’m overanalyzing so many things. To show my resolve, I should stick to this book – before browsing those other books again.

But I do want to peek into “Lily and the Octopus” again… Sigh. We’ll see.

Ashtanga habit

I’ve started an ashtanga practice for about two months now. I took a few classes in the studio and started a home practice. I felt this was my best option since I moved to the province where I wouldn’t have access to a yoga shala.

I wake up at 530am every morning to practice until half of the primary series then proceed to the backbends and finishing asanas. However,  I always felt distracted and unfocused. I would stop after each vinyasa and ‘rest’ such that a 75min practice turns into a 120min one!
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Good thing Patrick Beach is coming to Manila! After second thoughts and lots of encouragement from a good friend,  I finally registered! Since then, I felt it was a good motivator for my practice.  I’ve been practicing more regularly and with more awareness.

I’ve also moved my practice to the evenings. I finally let go of the idea that I must always practice in the morning. Maybe one day, I’ll shift to a morning practice again but for now I’m happy.

In other news, I’ve noticed how negative I’ve been recently (or maybe I’ve always been?). I think my yoga practice has helped me become more aware of my automatic reactions to the people around me; and helped me rethink about the person I want to be.

I’m surprised at how my ashtanga practice has evolved.  I thought I’ll get bored with the same sequence everyday but I’m elated at how my practice has become a quiet and relaxing space for me. I’ve become more present in my practice. My mind doesn’t wander as much and I don’t feel as attached when I can’t kick to a pincha mayurasana.

Jan 2014 Book: The Man Who Lied to His Laptop

One of the things I’m grateful for is that I have a boss who invests in his people. My intelligent boss always sends us links to read and engages us in analytical discussions.

This January, he lent me a book on human computer interaction learning. His long list of books-to-read makes it necessary to “delegate” the reading to the staff. I don’t mind.

The Man Who Lied to His Laptop

The Man Who Lied to His Laptop

As we move towards a technology and information driven world, we are always in a destructive-creative process whereby we try new softwares, new approaches and new schools of thought that challenge status quo. The past decade our relationships have been aided (and hindered) by technology. Social media sites, facebook, instagram, twitter have given us new channels for communication and gave birth to social cultures (i.e. selfies, memes, etc). Almost everyone has a smart phone, a tablet or a laptop.

Understanding to how people respond to these becomes more important. The Man Who Lied to His Laptop showed that we respond to our computers the same way we respond to people! Making experiments using computers a valid way of understanding human relationships.

Aside from this, the book was more about understanding human relationships than human computer interaction learning. It just used the computers in its experiments to isolate variables.

It was a good read  though!

Some interesting things…

On computers: We treat computers like people

• We are biased about “gendered” voices on computers. Male computer voices seem more convincing when talking about hard sciences than female voices (and vice versa for female associated topics such as fashion and emotions)
• We are encouraged by praises from a computer. I remember candy crush’s “Splendid!” and “Sweet!” comments. Maybe that makes it more addicting.
• Reciprocity: like human relationships, when computers give us info about themselves then asks us questions, we also offer more information about ourselves than if the computer didn’t “volunteer” any information.

On human relationships:

• We like and trust people who look and act like us because we think they are more trustworthy
• To influence other people, correctly assess their personalities and “imitate” them.
• Team Work is about identifying yourselves with the group, and a strong sense of interdependence.

Morning Practice

This year, I tried a new yoga studio near our place.

It didn’t feel right that I was rushing out of the office last year for my yoga practice. I couldn’t really concentrate on my work and didn’t sit right with my work ethics. So this year, I’m shifting to a morning yoga practice! My first yoga studio was just closer to my work and wasn’t really time and commuter convenient – so I’m shifting to this closer yoga studio.

It’s been a slower practice this year. The focus of UAM has been more on correct alignment than in fun poses and challenging sessions of BY. So I do miss that. I haven’t been able to do back to back classes as I often did in BY but now at least I get to go home early and don’t feel rushed in the office.

So overall, I feel I’ve reached a more stable phase in my yoga practice; and more balance in my life (family, friends, yoga and work). It does feel great to start the day with practice; and the knowledge that I’ve already accomplished something for the day even before I get to the office.

Achievements: CSC exam and Yoga practice

July 10, 2013.

The day I learned that I passed the civil service exam. Yes folks! I can now apply for a regular government employee position. Hurrah to me!

Since the list of passers was posted on the office bulletin, people kept congratulating me (and the others who passed as well). I’m happy that I passed. But I can’t help but be more excited about my yoga practice later that day. I kept thinking of doing a back-to-back Vinyasa and Power yoga sessions.

When I was on the mat later that day, I was super elated! I couldn’t do all the poses properly in Vinyasa but I could feel my progress and my strength improving! In Power Yoga, I couldn’t do several of the asanas but I was still so elated just being on the mat and trying! I was just so proud of myself for making time for my yoga practice and myself.

In contrast, I think the CSC exam was more of a relief than an achievement. My yoga practice is a far from perfect (I couldn’t do a proper forward bend, for pete’s sake!) yet I feel that showing up regularly on the mat is my real achievement.

So I celebrated by getting a one month unlimited package in my wonderful shala!

Income taxes and being a responsible citizen

It is that time of the year when you have to file income taxes.

The government is trying to generate the correct tax revenues each year – indicating that they don’t capture everything that they should. Regular employees are the easiest source of revenue since income taxes are regularly deducted. Income poor households don’t need to file income taxes if incomes don’t reach a certain amount.

It is usually the free-lancers, the business and the contractual workers/consultants that can easily escape from this responsibility because it is difficult for the government to verify if the correct income is reported for this group. That is, if these people decide to file anything at all.

So you (at least, I) would expect that the government would make the process of filing taxes easier for people who voluntarily want to file their taxes. But yes, you’ve guessed it, they don’t. After much hair pulling and frustration over the whole experience, let me itemize my wishlist how it can be improved:

• Simplify the form. Have you seen the ITR form? It looks like it was designed for a certified accountant who is taking a PhD in Mathematics and whose hobby involves looking up at new forms and spending the day figuring out a page full of blanks. Well, not everyone is born that way; and not everyone wants to be that way. And unless we only want the accountants (who are PhD candidates in Mathematics) to file income tax, then we should do something about the forms.
• Simplify the process. To file your income tax, you have to go to the area where you first registered your TIN. No place else. So if you had your first company register your TIN, then for the rest of your life (even if you transfer jobs or transfer provinces!) you can only register it there. It is so inconvenient that it seems like they go out of their way to encourage you NOT to file. I think they do it this way because the local government/ area where they ask you to pay is where the money/tax should be credited to for accountability purposes. But you would think that since the TIN number is unique and they know where you registered it, you can file anywhere and know that the right office records it.
• Automate! Have you tried getting an NSO certificate recently? It’s heavenly. The first time in a long time, I can proudly say that front line services in the country are improving! Now, why can’t we automate filing of income taxes. Yes, BIR has an online system but it is so faulty that I can’t even register! No wonder, only a small proportion of people use it. Imagine, if you can just upload your tax certificates, input your annual income (and have the system calculate your tax instead of manually filling up the complicated form) and have the payment made online without leaving your home!
• Education. Since we expect and want people to be productive, we envision them to earn enough to pay and file income taxes in the future. Senior high school students then should get be taught about the Philippine tax system – at least an orientation of why we do it, how to do it, what forms to fill up, etc.

And so my rant ends. Long story short, I filed my income tax with the help of my ever-efficient mother. Without her, I don’t know if I filed anything at all (good thing, she is good with numbers).

I think if small things like these improve, we can encourage others to become more responsible citizens. Then maybe it’ll contribute to having a better society, a public aware of its civic duties and thus concerned about public spending, a government with good budget management, and maybe in the future, a system free of corruption. Ang layo ng connect! lol

Murakami 1Q84

I just finished 1Q84 by Murakami!

There’s this moment when the adult Aomame and Tengo clasps hands and think that the past 20 years has just gone by and that the really important moments for them was when they held hands in that classroom as 10 year olds; and now when they are back together again.

The past twenty years are just years they had to go through for that moment when they would meet again -those twenty years are just a page in a 100 page book and the moment they held hands would be when time starts again (and you can turn a leaf in the book).

It struck me that this wonderfully explains our notion of time. Though we think of time as linear, our remembering selves (accdg Daniel Kahneman) is not. So it is entirely plausible that those 20 years were just filler years in between. But as Tengo puts it, they both needed those years to realize how lonely they are and how they long for the other. This is so similar with a line in Me You and Everyone we Know where an old man muses how he should have met this woman (who is about to die) years ago so they could have lived long and full lives, instead of meeting in their 70s. Then he quickly concedes that maybe he needed to live those 70 years to be ready to meet the woman.

Oh Life. To connect the deeply with another human being must be a miracle in itself.

For Now.

It’s 10:50pm. 

I just discovered how to operate our stereo so I’m happily lounging in our sofa, listening to James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” and the Carpenter’s “You” – and for the first time in months, I feel calm, peaceful and even (okay, I’ll say it) hopeful. 

Sigh. If I make a list of influential people/ things in my life. Music will be in the top 3. 

The soon to be unemployed and lost person that is me is content and smiling. This should be enough for now.  

A Jekyll and Hyde in all of us

I finally got a chance to breathe from work last weekend (I know, this is an overdue post). I watched Jekyll and Hyde with S. =)

It was an impulsive decision. I felt so drained at work that instead of my usual wake-up-late-and-bum-around-all-day routine of a weekend, some part of me wanted to rebel. So I browsed through Click the City and found that it was on. Good thing, S was game. =) [Haha, it was my laziness I was rebelling against.]

We rode the MRT line to Greenbelt and bought the tickets there.  We were late by a few minutes but it was still worth it. The songs were really beautiful! I should have bought Orchestra Center tickets. It would have been better to see the facial reactions of the actors up close.

I enjoyed the music so much – I was smiling uncontrollably at some parts. This is the moment makes you feel Dr. Jekyll’s hopes and ambition, Someone like you is so romantic showing how Lucy, like everyone else, just wants a simple life (not that love is simple), and i won’t deny it, Bring on the Men was fun. Most of the songs that stuck to me were sung by Dr. Jekyll/Hyde (Michael Williams) and Lucy (Kalila Aguilos).

Focusing on the duality of good and evil, the play explores the wonderful complexity of humanity and how we are all capable of being good and evil. The good Jekyll can be a Mr. Hyde by night. Removing the evil (or the capability to be) can’t be separated from removing the good in us. Reminds me of The Giver actually.

I was so happy about the show that I didn’t mind not going to Ayala Museum as originally planned. Thanks S for coming with me (and for helping me during the week). Here’s for more mis-adventures to come!

Jekyll and Hyde will be on until April 22. The tickets are cheaper by PHP 30-50 when you buy it in Greenbelt than in ticketworld. Accessibility has its surcharge. =)