The theme of my practice these days is to practice with integrity.
I’ve been lazy the past months, either not practicing or cutting my practice short. I used to feel so guilty when I miss practice that I was in a bad mood the rest of the day. The past lazy months however had none of the bad mood or guilt feeling, and I was unattached to my physical practice! — but I do recognize my laziness.
So this year, I hope to practice with more integrity – meaning going to my mat and just doing the best I can. To have focus and discipline while being kind to myself.
Lately, I also notice that when I have bad thoughts or opinions, I don’t speak them out or share them. When people confide in me, I have a tendency to analyze and judge – and there is this overwhelming desire to share this opinion. Lol. But lately I’m able to pause and think what value will it have if I say it. and usually there’s none. So I don’t. And surprisingly, I feel good about myself for choosing to pause and choose how i respond.
This morning, I tried to recall the instances I did this – and felt like it’s my bank of good deeds – which is silly. In the same vein, recalling it too much reinforces the negative thoughts that I suppressed. It might be healthier to not give any more energy to it and just let it go. Put my thoughts and energies in more positive things. Choose to.
Challenge is, during breakfast, when trying to strike up a conversation with my parents, every subject/ thought of mine got filtered out, I was left with nothing to say. LOL. I need to cultivate good and positive energy and thoughts.
SpaghettiCorner 