No Hurry

I felt a sudden snap on my left hip from SK. So I stopped & tried to be mindful of my hip, did lotus and a few other postures before a long savasana.

I felt the stretch/snap and I knew it came when I tried to touch my feet in SK. But it isn’t a sharp pain, it is more of a sensation that I feel when I do forward bends. It feels like something is out of place, rather than broken, torn or injured.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel that bad about it. I thought, “Oh, I wanted to finish my practice since I was really enjoying it, but oh well!”. I googled about it and most SK pain is on the collar bone not on the hip, so I tried to look for SI joint injuries to figure out if this is what it is. But I’m still not entirely sure.

My “injury” doesn’t hamper my normal activities but I do feel a sensation when I get up from bed, when I crouch down to wear my pants, or when I tuck my hip in. Umm, I’m limping when I go up and down the stairs too. I’m guessing that when I lengthen that muscle/ligament, that’s when I feel it.

So this morning, after much procrastinating, I practiced. It was beautiful. I was more focused because of my left hip. I took extra breaths in my forward bends and didn’t push myself. I only did until Janu A to assess how my body felt, and check how I should modify the practice. I was bummed (for a few minutes maybe) that I won’t be able to practice hang backs and might not “progress” as I expected, but also realized, I don’t need to compete, I don’t need to get new asanas. I’m fine where I am. Yes, I’m planning to travel  next week to practice with a teacher – and this might actually be a good opportunity to learn how to practice with my hip (if its still bothersome then). I might not be at my physical best when I visit, but Ashtanga is a practice, I’m not meant to be at my best all the time.

It is rather in times when I’m lazy, semi-injured, sad and emotionally unstable – that the practice really becomes a practice.

So I’ll just enjoy it a day at a time. No rush — I have my whole life to practice.

As Guruji used to say, “Why hurry?”

Continuum

This urge to start something new is always exciting.

Probably because I can and choose to see it in rose tinted lenses.

But most times, I’ve already started and just refuse to recognize it as a start.

The tempting thing in starting over is the ease in which I drop and leave everything else.

Square one is never really a square one.

We hold different values dear, molded by experiences, struggle internally.

That we bring with us in Square One.

To acknowledge the whole journey continuum, with the little starts and stops, is a difficult lesson.